I’ve been delaying this message for quite a while. But, here we go
[take a deep breath]
Throughout the years my photos have been used to celebrate kids, family, birthdays and life. I always feel so honored that people trust me with this very special job. Kids grow up, families change structure, and at the end all you have is the memory of these times.
I know capturing these memories are important, but you have brought a totally new perspective to my life and job.
[life changes in a second]
I had just photographed your family 2 weeks prior to your call.
I was at work when you called. I was not able to pick it up so your call went to voicemail which was probably a good thing. Little did I know it would be the most heartbreaking voicemail I had ever received. Your little boy had passed and you wanted some photos for the service. You said these photos are more valuable than anything.
I broke down. I had never experienced such heaviness in my heart. I did not understand why this was happening. God was not on my good side. I questioned him many times. I was not happy with him. I wanted him to fix it. I wanted to fix it myself. I felt so useless. In my childish mind I asked God to grant me a wish as if he was my genie in a bottle. I asked him to give me the power to bring people I photograph back to life.
I was not able to put myself together and get back to work. So I went home. I walked in the door and saw Neo (my two year old) running towards me to welcome me with his big smile. I smiled back at him and the tears started pouring out uncontrollably. I hugged him. I did not want to let go. But, he is two years old so he was naturally over it after a few seconds. It was time for his nap anyway, so I went to tuck him in. His little sensitive self knew I was sad, so he gently caressed my head as I watched him fall asleep. As I lay there I could only think of the immeasurable pain you were feeling.
Later that day, I went to deliver the prints you had requested. I was planning on just dropping them off at the door. I imagined you weren’t up for visits. Besides, I was an emotional wreck incapable of providing any strength and support. But, we pulled in the curb at the same time. I did not know what to say. I said nothing but ‘I’m sorry’ and I cried with you.
[I am still wishing I knew just the right thing to say, but there are no words for this]
Little A was here for only two years but he will be in our hearts forever. I am positive he will continue to teach us life lessons from up there. For starters, he reminded that I should also be taking photos of my own kids. I have been taking photos of everyone’s family but mine. Typical Diana. See? Little A is a sneaky angel who will always work his magic around us.
I decided to make this letter public because A may bring a different message to each and every one of us. Everything has a purpose.
The purpose may not be clear for you yet. It may be a delayed message like this letter. But, have faith.
Sending lots of love,
PS: God’s delayed message in response to my wish was this letter. After I wrote it I realized I already had that power.